I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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