you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
