I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
