We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
