time to smoke my breakfast
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She bit a glass in half.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
