is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
