Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
