If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
