I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
