Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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