How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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