and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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