This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
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She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize