I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
