Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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