I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So vagazzling was a success
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
