New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
