she woke up with a sticky ear
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We smell like vodka and hangover
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize