oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
