im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
