I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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