Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
