physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
