I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize