but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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