so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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