Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My life is pants optional.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
