i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize