I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So much rum. So many feels.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
