My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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