He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
