New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You need Xanax blowdarts
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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