I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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