I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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