You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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