i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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