every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
