shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
