Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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