you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
