i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
