i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
