Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
