I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
