i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
