I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Of course I have a pirate flag
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
