go do what you do best...puke behind churches
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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