They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
