he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm getting married
To pizza
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
