dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
