i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
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I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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