i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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