you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
