You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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