the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
two words: eviction party
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
