Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
