it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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