at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
