dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
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i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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