MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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