God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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