k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
